My eight-year-old son died at school one week before Mother’s Day, and everyone kept telling me there was nothing anyone could have done.
I tried to believe them, because anything else felt impossible.
But Randy’s bright red Spider-Man backpack disappeared the same day he did.
That was the part nobody could explain.
His teacher, Ms. Bell, said she did not know where it went. The principal, Ms. Reeves, said the school had checked everywhere. Even the officer looked uncomfortable when I asked about it again.
My eight-year-old son died at school.
“Haley,” he said gently. “I know you want answers, ma’am, but sometimes things get misplaced during emergencies.”
I looked at him across my kitchen table. “My son collapsed at school, and the one thing he carried every day vanished. That is not the same as being misplaced.”
He did not argue.
No one did, and that was worse.
“My son collapsed at school.”
***
On Mother’s Day morning, I sat on the living room floor with Randy’s dinosaur blanket in my lap and his cereal bowl on the coffee table.
Every year, he made me breakfast.
Breakfast meant dry cereal, too much milk on the side, and flowers yanked from the yard with half the roots still attached.
This year, the bowl was empty.
I sat on the living room floor with Randy’s dinosaur blanket.
***
At nine o’clock, the doorbell rang.
I ignored it because I did not have the energy to face anyone.
It rang again.
Then came the frantic knocking.
I pushed myself up, wiped my face, and opened the door, ready to refuse another casserole or another pair of sad eyes.
But a little girl stood on my porch.
Then came the frantic knocking.
She had tangled brown hair, wet cheeks, and an oversized denim jacket hanging off her shoulders.
In her arms was Randy’s backpack.
My hand grabbed the doorframe.
“Are you Randy’s mom?” she asked.
I nodded.
She hugged the backpack tighter. “You were looking for this, weren’t you?”
“Where did you get that, honey?”
“Randy told me to guard it. He was my friend.”
“Are you Randy’s mom?”
My chest tightened. “When?”
“That day.”
I reached for the bag, but she stepped back.
“No,” she whispered. “I have to say it first, or I’ll get scared and run.”
I swallowed hard. “What’s your name, sweetheart?”
“Sarah.”
“Come in, Sarah. Would you like some juice?”
She looked behind her like someone might stop her.
“I didn’t steal it.”
“What’s your name, sweetheart?”
“I know.”
“I was guarding it.”
That nearly broke me.
I opened the door wider. “Then let’s see what Randy has inside.”
Sarah placed the backpack on my kitchen table like it was something holy.
“Tell me,” I said.
She shook her head. “Open it.”
My fingers shook as I unzipped the bag.
