There were many nights when I wondered whether I had failed those girls.
Had I worked too much?
Listened too little?
Said the wrong thing when they needed the right one?
Looking back now, I can trace our entire life to one ordinary October evening and a decision I made before I understood what it would cost.
The porch light outside my apartment was flickering when I came home from a double shift.
I smelled of sawdust, metal shavings, and machine oil from Finch & Nail Hardware, the small shop beneath the apartment where I lived in the fictional town of Bramblewick.
My keys were already in my hand.
I was thinking about cold leftovers and the futon that never opened properly.
Then I nearly tripped over three infant car seats.
Beside them sat one diaper bag.
On top of the bag was a note written on the back of a gas receipt.
For several seconds, my mind refused to understand what I was seeing.
I picked up the receipt first.
The handwriting tilted sharply to the right.
I recognized it immediately.
It belonged to my older brother, Callan.
I’m sorry, Reid. I can’t do this.
That was the entire message.
No telephone number.
No address.
No explanation of where he was going or whether he planned to return.
His wife, Elowen, had been laid to rest eleven days earlier.
Callan had survived less than two weeks without her.
I was twenty-seven years old, unmarried, and living in two rooms above a hardware store.
My checking account contained $346.
The kitchen table had one chair.
The futon stopped halfway whenever I tried to unfold it.
I had never changed a diaper.
One of the babies made a small hiccupping sound.
I looked down.
Two of the girls were asleep.
The smallest one was awake, staring at me with gray eyes that looked exactly like our mother’s.
“Hello,” I whispered.
She blinked.
Then the door beside mine opened.
My neighbor, Mrs. Fenwick, stepped into the hallway wearing a blue bathrobe and slippers shaped like sheep.
She had lived next door for six years and had never once considered privacy a virtue.
That night, it saved me.
“Reid, why are there babies on the porch?”
“They’re Callan’s.”
Her eyes widened.
“All three?”
I held up the note.
“He left them.”
“Left them where?”
“Here.”
“Where did he go?”
“I don’t know.”
Mrs. Fenwick snatched the receipt from my hand.
She read it twice.
Then she pressed one palm against her chest.
“Oh, that foolish man.”
Elowen had brought the triplets to visit twice during the summer.
Mrs. Fenwick had spent both visits leaning over their stroller, praising their eyelashes and demanding to know which girl was which.
Elowen had explained their names and birth weights with the seriousness of a military briefing.
Now Mrs. Fenwick knelt beside the car seats.
“You cannot raise three babies alone.”
“I know.”
“You don’t know the first thing about babies.”
“I know.”